i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
