Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Randomize
