The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
