I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
