i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
