Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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