Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
