Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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