I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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