the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
