why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
