Will you blow on my dice?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
