If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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