your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
COCAINE IS GR8
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
