I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
