It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
