she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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