Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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