I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
