someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
