nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
