I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
