I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
