Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
