Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
