new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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