im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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