I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
