At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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