If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
