I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
