I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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