This girl is more easily done than said...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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