dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
