hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
