You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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