lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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