My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
