I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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