She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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