i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
