They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
