My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize