booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
