How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
