your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize