Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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