You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
