i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize