I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize