i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
