This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
