giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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