So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
