You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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