Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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