why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
