Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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