Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
