In the future we'll all be gay
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
