Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
