I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
